


absolutely, unequivocally, unconditionally

by favefangirl



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Fighting, M/M, Normal AU, One-Sided Attraction, Public School AU, SnowBaz, Teenagers, the crucible as a person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-19
Updated: 2019-04-19
Packaged: 2020-01-16 11:17:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18520375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/favefangirl/pseuds/favefangirl
Summary: If I'm being honest with myself - which I seldom am - I first fell in love with Simon Snow the moment I laid eyes on him.The first time I ever truly acknowledged my feelings, however, was third year.It could only ever end in flames.





	absolutely, unequivocally, unconditionally

**Author's Note:**

> okay, so **WARNING ******there is some description of violence. i personally don't feel it's graphic but others may disagree. please don't read if you feel as though you may be uncomfortable. if anyone feels i should change the warning of the fic itself, please let me know.  
>  stay safe kids!  
> thank you.

If I'm being honest with myself - which I seldom am - I first fell in love with Simon Snow the moment I laid eyes on him. He was a skinny, mangy little thing at eleven. His uniform, two sizes too big and horrifically dishevelled, made him look tiny and fragile. When we were assigned our rooms by Mr Crucible, our eyes locked as we realised we would spend the next seven years putting up with each other. And his blue eyes, stupidly ordinary and bloody gorgeous, were fierce as he looked at me and I recognised him straight away; I had spent years perfecting the mask, too.

The first time I ever truly acknowledged my feelings, however, was third year. Hugo Spooner, an absolute tool whose father attended the same gentleman's club as my own, with his pack of friends behind him followed me across the courtyard between the Science Block and the English Building. I hadn't even noticed Snow trailing behind me, but we had spent three years pretending the other didn't exist (somewhat difficult when you were constantly in each other's space, I admit) so it wasn't that difficult to comprehend.

"Hey Pitch, how's daddy's money?" Hugo had asked - taunted, really - hot on my heels.

That was the year one of the companies went bust. 12,000 people lost their jobs across the UK and the family lost over £4 million. I heard my father sobbing in his study the night it all went down. I had never heard him cry before, and I haven’t since. Of course this prick knew all about it. No doubt that the news of the Grimm-Pitch's embarrassment had spread through most of our closest friends and acquaintances, all of them more than ready to rub our faces in the whole affair.

I kept walking, feigning deafness, my head held high as my father had always instructed me to. I'd hoped Hugo would get bored, the typical advice for teens when dealing with bullies. Reaction was never an option: ignore them, take the high road, be the better man. I just wanted to get to English before the bell went - Miss Possibelf was a stickler for tardiness and she never played favourites - whatever kind of man that made me.

But Hugo wasn't so easily put off. "C'mon Pitchie, don't be rude!"

I sped up my pace what I hoped had been imperceptibly, and then I felt myself being shoved against the wall. For a second my feet left the floor and there was only the grip on my shoulders before my back was slammed into the hard, coarse brick of the English building. Looking back, I can't tell if it had winded me or if I was having a panic attack, but either way I felt like I couldn't breathe. Hugo was right in my face, his breath smelling of mint chewing gum and landing hot on my cheek.

"Didn't mummy ever teach you any manners?" Hugo snarled, tightening his grip on my arms. I feared he would leave bruises. His ugly face broke into a sinister grin. "Oh, that's right, mummy's dead!"

There may have been cheers from the pack, but I only really processed the flash of gold in front of me before the pressure on my arms was released, and I looked down to see Simon Snow beating at Hugo with tightly coiled fists. He sounded like a wild animal, and I think I heard bone breaking with the swing of his arm, but it was all such a blur that it could've just been in my imagination.

I was frozen on the spot, watching as Hugo's face bloodied before Snow was pulled off of him by his friends. I should've done something, tried to help, but I could only watch as Hugo got to his feet and exacted his revenge. Hugo had hit him hard in the stomach three times before I started crying, and I still don't know if it was for myself or for Snow.

Miss Possibelf broke up the fight after what could have only been minutes, but which had felt like hours of anguished screams (Snow’s and my own), and sent us all to the Head Teacher's office. We sat outside, myself, Snow, Hugo and his friends, waiting as Mr Mage called us in one at a time to get a statement before sending us back to class or, in Snow and Hugo's case, the nurse. I kept trying to meet Snow's eye as we waited, but he was staring at the floor the entire time, his expression unreadable.

That night when he got back to our room, a black bruise was already forming at Snow's eye, his fists were bandaged and there were two scrunched up pieces of cotton wool up his nose, I imagine to stop the bleeding, which he quickly disposed of when he walked in. He went straight to the bathroom, grabbing his towel and wash bag from his dresser as he passed. We'd never really spoken in our time as roommates - Simon never really did speak in general, just grunted and shrugged like a neanderthal - but I felt like there was a pertinent question to ask.

"Why?"

Snow looked up at me, fresh from a shower, changed into his pyjamas. He shoved his bloodied uniform into the wash basket in the corner of our room and I pointedly didn't think about whose blood it was, his or Hugo's. He stared at me as though he'd never seen me before in his life, or as if I'd asked the question in Swahili. Then he frowned, and went about pulling back his covers to get into bed.

"Why did you help me?" I pressed. "You don't even like me." I specifically didn't mention if _I_ liked _him_.

He stared at me another moment then shrugged ( _typical_ ) and said, "I didn't like what he said about your mum," as though that was the simplest thing in the world.

Hugo and his friends were suspended for two weeks, and Simon for a month before the incident was dropped and no one discussed it again.

That night, however, I realised three things: the first that Simon Snow was an absolute disaster who solved all his problems with his fists, the second that he was the most selfless person on the planet and wouldn't hesitate to help anyone (including me), and the third that I was absolutely, unequivocally, unconditionally in love with him.

It could only ever end in flames.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks so much for reading!!
> 
> i don't really know what this is to be honest. it was just an idea i had last night and decided to write it. i don't think it's complete but i haven't posted since august so here we are. currently i have no solid plans to expand on this, but i have a few little plot ideas floating around in my brain that i may eventually decide to explore. right now i'm just trying to pass my AS levels, so one thing at a time.
> 
> please leave comments and kudos because they're basically my lifeblood!
> 
> i like friends so my tumblr is always open: [maddy-does](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/maddy-does). my Insta is @maddy.does, but i'm super inactive so good luck, lol.
> 
>  **prompts?**  
>  i have writers block at the minute so in order to try and stimulate my writing juices (that is a weird sentence, i apologise) i’m opening myself up to prompts and requests for writing. if you're interested please message me on one of the social media listed above, or drop the prompt in the comments below, it is greatly appreciated! your prompt could just be a song (because then i get to discover new music, too, which is always fun!!) if you do send a prompt be prepared for me to take fifty years to fill it because school is so hard, but i promise i'll try!
> 
> thanks again for reading, have a great existence!


End file.
